Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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