You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
