sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
