the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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