yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
