Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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