I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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