Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
