im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
