saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
