fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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