New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
