i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
