She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
Iâve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about âhow to eat assâ. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but itâs needs to chill
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