I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
