i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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