you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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