Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
