Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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