I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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