hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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