I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
