So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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