He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
