Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
