I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
