I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
