It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
