Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
