Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
