so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
