did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
