haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
