My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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