We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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