kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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