Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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