I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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