...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
