why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
