i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
