I'm going to jail i love you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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