if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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