So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
