Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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