If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
