Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
