Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
