I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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