and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
