If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
